


Love taps

by bittenbullet



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alive! Harry, Angst, BFFs, Bromance, Cussing, Explicit Sexual Content, Fix-It, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Plot Twists, Romance, Slow Build, Snark, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 10:31:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4176540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittenbullet/pseuds/bittenbullet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Valentine had the right idea in culling the human population. There was just a far more effective method. How? By turning the entire world homosexual and cutting off reproduction, period.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love taps

**Author's Note:**

> So, over a round of drinks, Grass put this amazing(ly hilarious) idea in my head, and it stuck like a sea barnacle and refused to go away. I really feel Roxy deserves more attention because she can kick ass with the best of them. Also this has not been Brit-picked. You have been warned.

Eggsy was doing his utmost best to keep his eyes open.

The fist under his chin was heroically propping his head up, his eyes were only half-closed, and his spine was mostly straight. He thought it was a damn good effort, considering Kay had pretty much folded his arms on the table, put his head in them, and dropped off to sleep five seconds into the meeting. 

Kay was the oldest working Kingsman agent at sixty-two, followed by not-dead Harry, who was fifty-four. People generally let things slide when it came to Kay. He was a crack shot: amazingly competent on the field, but a sack of useless shit when it came down to grunt work.

Roxy was leaning back in her chair, pale and prim and politely attentive, because she was a complete suck-up. Eggsy knew she was only pretending to pay attention to Arthur because the three of them had completed the mission just fine. There were zero human casualties, and the only death toll was a flock of geese flying over the lake when the bomb exploded. No one could blame Eggsy for chucking a bomb into water when the seconds were ticking down like a doomsday shoe ready to drop. It was damn quick thinking, if he might say so himself. 

New Arthur was a woman. Petite, early sixties, with thick, salt and pepper hair scraped back in a tight bun at the nape of her neck. Her face was round and sweet, and her bottle-green eyes were deceptively kind. Until she opened her mouth. The hard-ass bollocking she doled out always made Eggsy think yearningly of ear plugs. He almost missed the good old days with Chester King in charge, and his once-hateful memories of the man was bathed in a gentle, golden glow.

Right now, Arthur was ranting on about the sheer amount of property damage the agency had to cover and the tragic loss of lives. Of geese. Eggsy honestly could not give two fucks. 

Eggsy raised his hand and waggled his fingers around a little, demanding attention. Roxy and Arthur’s eyes snapped in his direction. Kay huffed out a soft snore. 

“Yes, Gawain?” Arthur said.

“Would you prefer I left the live bomb sitting in its pretty velvet box under the stage and let it blow up the two hundred people in the concert in bits instead of forty-two birds?” Eggsy inquired in the most earnest tones he could muster, wide-eyed and innocent. 

Arthur’s mouth snapped shut. She looked like she was having a tightly controlled aneurism. If looks could kill, Eggsy would be a bloody smear on the floor. Before she could bite Eggsy’s head off, however, there was a polite knock on the mahogany door. Arthur transferred her basilisk-like stare from Eggsy to the door and barked out, “Come in.”

Harry walked into the room, all long legs and tapered waist and perfectly coiffed hair. Eggsy had not seen him for three months. He looked a little worse for wear, despite the neatly pressed suit and shiny Oxford shoes. Eggsy wondered what his mission had been, but he knew better than to ask.

“Galahad, reporting for duty,” Harry said, forever professional.

“But we’re meeting at three,” Arthur said with a small frown.

“With all due respect, sir, it’s three-twenty,” Harry said, his mouth quirking up in the corners. 

Arthur’s eyes darted down to her Cartier watch. “You’re right,” she said, sounding surprised. “I can't believe I- Right. Never mind. Kingsmen, you’re dismissed.”

Curling a small hand on Kay's shoulder, Roxy gently shook him awake, rousing the groggy man and dragging him off by the arm. Eggsy hurried after them, eager to get the hell away from Arthur and hoping against hope she wouldn’t remember him mouthing off. Out of sight, out of mind.

As Eggsy closed the door, he saw Harry slip into his seat and look up with a tiny smile, brown eyes crinkling in amusement. It didn’t occur to Eggsy until much later that Harry had barged in just in time to distract Arthur from suspending or firing him. 

_Shit._ Just add that to the endless list of things Eggsy already owed Harry.

 

* * *

 

Roxanne Morton was beautiful and smart and competent, and after two years Eggsy still could not understand why she would voluntarily spend time with the likes of him out of working hours. For the third Friday night in a row, he found himself in Roxy’s posh Oxfam apartment, sandwiched between Roxy and her black poodle, slurping instant ramen from a plastic container and watching Pretty Woman with JB curled at his feet.

“I can’t believe you never watched this,” Roxy said, waving her Diet coke at the flat screen. For once, her hair was free from its uniform ponytail, tumbling down her shoulders in loose, golden brown waves.

“I can’t believe you can’t cook,” Eggsy complained around a mouthful of soggy noodles. “It’s _instant ramen_. How can you fuck up instant ramen?”

Roxy wrinkled her nose.

“I grew up with seven brothers,” she said, pooling up her hair in bright handfuls and letting it slide down her back in waves. “Once I start cooking, I’d never stop. Next thing you know, I’d be doing their laundry and tidying up their rooms and unclogging the toilet.”

“Does that make you Snow White?” Eggsy teased. He pulled the chopsticks out of his mouth and needled one at Roxy’s cheek. Without a word, she snatched it out of his hand, broke it in two halves, and handed the pieces back to him. The look she gave him was positively glacial.

“I guess I deserved that,” Eggsy muttered, dropping the ruined chopsticks on the coffee table. Blackeri the poodle hopped off the couch to investigate them; JB quickly followed suit.

“If Arthur fired you on the spot, you deserved that too,” Roxy remarked. “Luckily you had Harry there to save your ass, again. You really need to learn to control that tongue of yours and stop pissing Arthur off left and right. You're a good agent, Eggsy. But there is only so much she can tolerate.”

Eggsy stared at her, his mouth falling open. “You think Harry timed his entrance?”

Roxy leveled him a look. “Of course he did. Everything Harry does has a purpose.”

A furious blush crept up the back of Eggsy’s neck; his face felt like it had caught on fire. It was one thing to have his suspicions, and another to have them confirmed. 

“Oh my god. Can your man crush be any more obvious?” Roxy sighed, knocking his shoulder with hers. 

“What do you know? Maybe it’s you that I want,” Eggsy said, rolling on his side and dropping his head in her lap. He smiled at her angelically to cover up his embarrassment.

“Of course you don’t want me,” Roxy scoffed. Rolling her eyes, she tucked a lock of sandy-brown hair behind his ear. “Everybody knows you prefer men.”

“I’ll have you know I fucked a princess,” Eggsy told her, because he felt it needed saying. Roxy waved a small, white hand in the air, swatting his protests away like they are buzzing flies. 

“It’s a princess, Eggsy. I’d fuck her given the opportunity, and I’m not even remotely gay or bi-curious.”

“Fair point,” Eggsy admitted. Roxy looked down at him, amused and exasperated and fond, and Eggsy was suddenly, deeply grateful for her friendship.

“I love you, Rox,” Eggsy said. He had never told her before.

“You’re an idiot,” she said. She looked like she was trying very hard to hold back a smile. “But I love you, too.”

On screen, Vivian said, _“I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing.”_

“I wish I knew for certain Harry's a sure thing,” Eggsy said, wistful.

Roxy did smile then. 

“Oh honey,” she said kindly. “This ain’t that kind of movie.”

**Author's Note:**

> Already wrote the first three chapters. Just testing the waters to see if people are interested enough to keep reading. Kudos, comments and criticism are always welcome. Thank you for your time!


End file.
